I Just Wanna Hold Your Hand

At this point, dating seems like a joke: if me and mystery man make it off the app or the website or the text messaging, what are the chances we’ll have any real chemistry? (mixed). What are the chances that one of us will have insurmountable ISSUES? (high) What are the chances that fear/reluctance/ambivalence will set in immediately (also high) and tank the experiment?

And still I try. Hope springs eternal.Holding hands

Lately, to my surprise, I’ve gone on more than one date with a couple of people. Say, whaaaa?????

How is it going? Hard to tell. There’s chemistry, we like each other. But is it a relationship…..   could it be anything more than a few Saturday nights and a couple of Wednesdays… and then fade to black ????????

My mountain of dating failures forms the backdrop for any excitement. It’s like the Grim Reaper of Dating is always by my side, eager to cut another one down. So I’m keenly aware of both the red flags (he texts back two months later) and the little things that are going well (he  shows up on time – more than once).

And like someone who lost her parents early in life, I don’t take the good stuff for granted. I know a good thing when I see it—even it’s passing.

He held the door for me–again. He picked up the check–second time, third time. He didn’t push to come over–classy. He checked in with me a few days after our date– thoughtful. (If you think these standards are too low you haven’t dated in New York.)

Like I said, I’m not blind to the red flags: you can’t be dating for this long and not develop a sixth sense about what’s up. He can drink a bottle of wine by himself no problem and still want a beer? Hmmmm. He hasn’t had a steady relationship in ten years? Hmmmmm. He’s in the process of getting divorced? Ermmmm….

But all that aside, I’m dating this spring (small miracle) and what’s really doing it for me is the simple almost ridiculous act of holding hands.

When we get off the subway or I get out of his car and he reaches for my hand, something inside me melts. I feel almost like a child. When we leave the bar a little tipsy and walk the wet streets, stride for stride, his fingers curled around mine, my whole being says, yes! 

Yes! yes! yes! YES!

He could almost ask me for anything in this moment. Does he realize this? His drinking, his relationship history, his divorce — any worries I have soften and float away when he holds my hand.

That contact feels like as intimate as a solemn promise. One he’s willing to give and capable of fulfilling. One I believe. It feels like a tender agreement, a collaboration, bit of potent inspiration that surpasses all ISSUES, that goes beyond fear. That holds an innocence in its palm like the heart of a little bird.

I go a little bit to putty every time.

Will the dating of late spring and early summer be as kind to me as the early spring has? Measured by hand-holding it looks promising.

That said, in my dating world, YOU NEVER KNOW. EVER.

To be continued….

That kiss




2 Responses to “I Just Wanna Hold Your Hand”

  1. 1 Dawn

    People find each other many different ways and you sound like you can spot the danger signs. I’m cheering for the hand holder. It is such an intimate expression of closeness.

  2. 2 admin

    Thanks for reading, Dawn!

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